Disclaimer: If you aren’t a parent, you can probably go ahead and find a new post to read. I may refernce triathlon, but I doubt you really care to hear about my kids poo.
Call me crazy, but I’m one of those people with the go big or go home mentality and when I realized my son wasn’t going potty on the big boy potty and everyone else in the class was I was determined to get this potty training thing under control. I, of course, took it as a sort of challenge that my son was refusing to potty. Like any good challenge, I wanted to give it the middle finger and show it who was boss. First mistake.
I decided to do some research, talk to parents, ask his daycare teacher, and devise a good plan much like approaching Ironman race day. After much discussion with his teach, and a few different theories, the go big or go home method was applied. The plan was, get rid of diapers and put his butt in underwear. Much like Ironman, you don’t want to wear anything new on race day. In other words, make sure the underwear you purchase your child fits his scrawny rear! (Totally random, why can’t you find 2t or smaller underwear?! Are all these kids giganta butts?) One problem, my child did NOT want to put underwear on. I tried to negotiate, kind of like the run in Ironman. Sweety, if you start running, I mean put on these underwear, you’ll get a beer, I mean treat. Nope. Addison if you stop walking, I mean crying, you will be a big boy and can put your big boy diaper on. I finally decide to just put them on him kicking and screaming, all fear of traumatizing him into never pottying thrown out the window.
The teacher told me the key to potty training is to make them get on the potty every 45 minutes. How convenient! I might as well wear my Garmin since my nutrition timer is already set up for that. Heck, I was to the point of calling this a workout and he’d yet to even pee! Like any good race/potty training, I dutifully set my timer. First timer goes off, and I have already thought of how I was going to approach this. No questions, no asking to potty, I was just taking him to the potty and telling him it’s time to go. Like Ironman, once you start questioning things, potty training is downhill from there. I take him to the bathroom, stand there for a minute or two, tell him to potty, stand there for another minute or two……and SCORE! Yay Addison!! For about 5 seconds anyway. Like Ironman, I thought I’d prepared for everything….poo was not one of them. Let’s just say I wasn’t aware that diaper wipes are SOOO NICE for cleaning a childs butt until I tried to use toilet paper. Much like Ironman, when you aren’t prepared for something your stomach will pay the price.
The night didn’t get any easier, although successful potty trips were made toddler boys have no control on aim which meant I spent each bathroom visit cleaning up pee. Similar to Ironman, when it was time for bed and my son now freaked out at the thought of putting a diaper back on, I rolled with it and said ok. Sometimes going with the flow doesn’t work in my favor. I totally didn’t anticipate the difficulty of cleaning poop out of underwear, much less how to derobe them without getting poop EVERYWHERE. Much like Ironman or any endurance event, the weekend was full of drama….insert taking care of and potty training a toddler (by gosh we weren’t stopping now!), having a cyst rupture, and husband being out of town. However, similar to the feeling after an Ironman, I’m grateful I did it. Addison is now pottying, in fact, the last 24 hours he has began to tell me he needs to potty. I’ve still got the trusty nutrition timer going, may or may not have had crap flung into my hair, and was delighted to hear my son tell me today, “mommy, I press wee wee down when on toilet. I pee pee IN toilet.”
Thank God for smallk I mean BIG, miracles. Let this be a testament to anything you approach in life to NEVER GIVE UP. Now, on to my next challenge, the Macon Half Iron Distance this weekend. Last time I did this race it was 100 degrees….YAY ME! Nowhere to go but up!
