Hmmmm, where do I begin? There is a first for everything, and I had my first DNF yesterday. I’ve raced w/stitches, a separated tail bone, pregnant, puking you name it and I like to think I’ve raced through it.
The week of Thrill in the Hills trail marathon seemed like any other week, oh I mean birthday week:). Maybe that was part of the problem. I ate worse than I typically do, but really didn’t think much of it until the night before. For some reason it dawned on me that I had a marathon to do, and hadn’t really given the week of the race the preparation it deserves. Maybe the laid back feel of trails had something to do with it, but for some reason I didn’t really give this race as much thought or stress as I typically would.
The morning of was nice and relaxed since I was riding w/friends Mike and Ashley. We kidded about Mikes Kit Kat for breakfast and my Diet Code Red Mtn Dew. Picture of nutrition! We got to the race site in plenty of time to stretch pee and get our registration. It’s never a good sign when you go to pick up your packet and the line is five deep in four different lines for the half and the full marathon has no line at all. I just kept telling myself it was just going to be a long day of one foot in front of the other. No worries. I mean, I didn’t have to worry about speed. Thats always a nice thought when I can just hit cruise control. I saw three different friends in the bathroom line, it was so comforting to know there were familiar people that’d be there. Lisa and Scotty even brought me brownies! BTW, their brownies are AWESOME!
Scotty and I start out together and the crowd does not thin out. I’ve never done a trail run where it took 3, yes THREE, miles to be able to pass and get into your groove. The first two miles were 12 minutes! A little annoying, yet I try not to care since i have 26 to do. I really couldn’t sight see at all, just tried to focus on the trail ahead of me. Mile after mile I start to feel better. I think mile 7 was when we hit the power line . . . up a hill. Mike had warned me about it. What I didn’t know was that when you came down the hill you’d wind up going up another power line. Ugh. I just grunted it out trying not to max my heart rate out. Around mile 10 I was just thankful to know I was over a 1/3 of the way done. The run at this point was kind of around the lake and not too hilly. The turns were great b/c they’d distract you and give you something to focus on. I was nutritioning pretty well, I’d taken a gel so far and my fluid intake was good. I make it to the half way point just thankful to be half way done (2:12). Lisa was there cheering and waiting for Scotty so her yelling and support was so nice. As I jogged away from that aide station I remember thinking to myself the hard part is over now. I’ve passed the point where the majority of people were finishing and I’ve kept going! The rest should be easy, right? Atleast mentally easier. I know when I stopped at that station I took water b/c my tummy didn’t want sports drink. The problem was they only had aide stations every 3.5 miles or so. I jogged about a half a mile and thats when it started. You know, the jostling that can happen. Well, if you think its bad on the road you should hit the trails. Literally I’d only jog the semi flat parts b/c coming down hills and going up hills I’d get sick at all the tossing and turning. Around mile 14 I lose all my gps. I guesstimate around mile 15 I see Jackie and Ashley up on the road doing their cool down run. I yelled a few obscenities that included telling them they should be suffering with me. Ash said I looked good, I fake it well. Here I am barfing, running only the flat spots (on a trail run!), can’t take any sports drink or gel, have no concept of time or distance and I haven’t seen a soul since the half way point. I alternate walking/jogging and just hope to make it to the next aide station. Mile 16.5, I think I stood there trying to decide how I was going to go on for a good 5 minutes. I was frustrated but HTFU, that’s what you do . . .right? I decide to keep moving. Walk/jog continues, trying to mentally get myself right. I get teary eyed at one point questioning where my toughness has gone. Then I get mad b/c I’m feeling sorry for myself. I see a sign for mile 18, and all the sudden I begin to wonder when the “fun” factor went. I’ve loved every trail run up to this point that I’ve done, and like my previous race which should have been “easy” pace and day I was not having the fun I normally do. I know getting sick sucks, I know suffering is part of racing, what I also came to realize by mile 20 was that on this particular day it was not worth it. I’d been walking the past 2 miles b/c jogging made me dizzy. I couldn’t keep any nutrition down. I knew I could walk the rest of it, but it just plain wasn’t worth it to me. I’ve never felt this way before.
My husband says maybe I’m just smarter. Truthfully, I just felt weak. My body was weak, my mind beat down. The ends just didn’t justify the means at that particular point. Of course I’m filled with all kinds of self doubt at this point. I’ve assessed where my training was at, but truth be told that truly didn’t even have a chance to come into play on Saturday. The nutrition part killed me. This wasn’t my first problem w/puking in the past few months. I’ve heard of a few tricks I plan to try for long training days and racing. Another thing I have to work on is my confidence, especially after quitting. My fun factor isn’t forever lost, and the negativity I let get the best of me won’t win again.
Thank you to all my friends who have sent words of encouragement, and to my husband who is always there to support my race day woes. I just hope next time he makes 100% sure the chicken is fully cooked, I guess he didn’t feel too well saturday morning either….
Things aren’t as easy as they used to be, but that will just make the great days even more special.
