Okay, so do you ever sit there and think to yourself that surely what’s going on in your life at that given point can’t be real? Maybe you’re just still asleep stuck in a nightmare? I’ve been going through the last week and a half feeling that way. Heath and I went to my latest doctors appointment hoping that things were atleast the same, if not better, since I had stopped working out. Unfortunately, that was not the case. We found out that the waist size of Addison which was in the 7th percentile (anything under 10% is of concern) is now in the 3rd percentile. Not good. Not life threatening at this point, but not good. The doctor said full bed rest, Heath and I didn’t find this amusing. We thought we came to a mutual agreement with the doctor that I could work but only get up from my desk when necessary and anything outside of work would be full bed rest. We were wrong. Work asked for a letter stating my limitations, which is standard, and when the letter came over the fax it said strict bed rest. I talked to the nurses and they explained that the doctor indeed wanted me doing absolutely nothing. Wow. I left work Monday, the 12th for an indefinite time.
I suddenly felt my world caving, like someone had just knocked the wind out of me and I couldn’t get my breathe back. So many things to think about . . . I’m now using what I thought would be saved for maternity leave, I have no idea when or if I will be able to go back before birth, and what about Addison? All these questions coming at me like a freight train, and I have no answers. The bed rest wasn’t freaking me out as much as the thoughts of Addison and concern over my job. I technically still have 3 months til Addison’s due date, am I going to have to be out that long? If so, what do I do about money? What do I do about time after Addisons born? Am I now going miss those wonderful bonding moments most moms get with their children because I will have to go back to work so soon? Is Addison going to grow properly? I’ve been monitored so closely, how could this happen? I’m fit, I eat right, WTF?!
I have cried tears of frustration, fear, and just disappointment. I’m strong, but someone up above is obviously testing me. I have thankfully had a great network of friends and family that have stopped by, brought food, and most importantly coffee along with good laughs. I’m trying to assign myself little tasks to do each day to help the time pass, but can still have my moments. I know I will wake up from this nightmare at some point, I just hope Heath hasn’t broken down before then. The next growth ultrasound is in a week and half, so please just keep us in your thoughts until then.
