This is one of those hometown races that you kind of look at doing and go, why not? I mean, you know the terrain and I like the distance so how can you pass it up? This year they changed the course quite a bit, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. One of my friends who agreed to brave the cold weather with me had checked out the course and explained it to me, but I’m a little “directionally” challenged so I didn’t understand anything he was explaining.
I really had no idea what I could “do” as far as a time or anything but I was thinking that I’d like to do 1:50 or around there if that was possible. I think last year while pregnant I did 1:58, which was done in a very low HR zone, and was more like jogging w/an extra gut. In fact, I think I even heard after this race that someone didn’t know I was pregnant and commented that I looked like I had some extra holiday pounds on me. Of course no one would tell me who’d say such a thing.
I did a 2 mile warmup very easy, this was my way of getting extra miles I needed to do out of the way, and I felt ok. Jeff said he wanted to start out easy, and I agreed. The question was, whose “easy” was going to be on target. The first mile was kind of downhill, which was nice, but Jeff had warned me that the first 7 miles was going to be the tough part as far as uphills go. I felt like I was in a rhythm and by mile 5 I could hear Jeff right behind me and I asked him if we were doing a good pace, he said it wasn’t bad at all. We still had about another 2 miles of slight uphill, and I just tried to keep the same effort level hardly glancing at the garmin. I think it was mile 6.5 or so we hit a portion that’s on the sidewalk. Lets just say me and the sidewalk had a fight about a month ago, and I’m still trying to avoid it if at all possible. I had no choice in this case, and it was horrible side walk. So uneven that I’d rather been trail running where I could atleast enjoy the scenery. I started to feel rough around this point in the race, but I thought it was just b/c I couldn’t get a “groove” in my running with all the cracks and uneven sidewalk. I sucked it up and just tried to keep on pushing knowing this is a race and its supposed to hurt. Around mile 8 we hit the swamp rabbit trail, which is very smooth, and its about this time I realize it has nothing to do with me losing the “groove” as it had to do with my stomach. I tried to gel knowing I needed nutrition and instead was reduced to walking and then spitting it all back up. I told myself to HTFU and keep on going, and at this point was reduced to jog and could barely see Jeff ahead of me. I’d go through moments where I’d stop and dry heave and then try to jog again. I got in a solid 2 miles of jogging w/o much walking only to realize I was at mile 10 not 11. I’d been dreaming of seeing the mile 11 sign for the past 10 minutes, not quite sure why but I had. I see mile 10 and I’m just devastated. I just don’t know that I can make it 3 more miles, 2 I could handle in my mind but 3 . . . .I’m reduced to walking.
I’d mentally and physically given up at this point. I’m thinking I’ll just walk the rest of the way. I mean, what am I doing out here? I’m not fit, I could be at home with Addison , am I just not meant to do this anymore? I went through every pity party thought possible. Then some guy passes me and says keep it up, you’re doing great. I’m seriously almost reduced to tears as I start jogging again and wonder how I’d hit such a low point in what should be such a “short” distance for me. I wasn’t able to take in any nutrition since mile 4, which for me isn’t good, and I know what effects that can have even on a half marathon. The rest of the jog/crawl to the finish line wasn’t easy, but I’d decided I’m a lot tougher than that bumbling idiot that was questioning herself moments ago. I finished I believe seconds (1:58) off what I’d finished this race last year. I barfed at the finish line. I watched 2 girls pass me w/in the last 200 feet, but you know what . . . I didn’t give in completely to that pity party I started.
I didn’t finish the rest of my run that day, I didn’t stay for awards, I pouted a little, got a massage, and overanalyzed the day. These thoughts I share are pretty personal, and not good ones, but I share them hoping other athletes realize you aren’t alone on those bad days. Not only that, but that the mind can do amazing things if you can train it to say the right things when those negative thoughts come in. Don’t ever let the demons win, it will hurt much worse later.
My stomach didn’t feel well the rest of the day, and Sunday wasn’t much better. By Sunday evening Addison was puking (not spit up) all over. The poor kid even puked in his sleep. This explained the stomach issue. The self doubt issue, that will just have to be something I continuously focus on throughout the year.
